Selfish
by Okamidemon
Summary: Don't burden them. Suffer all of it yourself. Don't tell them. Don't die yet. That's selfish... Another depressing story by yours truly... (Kidd X Law) POV: Law


A/N: Once again, another sad fic. Sorry.

 **WARNING** : Maybe character death. Depressing things like always. Sorry about that...

* * *

Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. Don't let them see your pain. Your suffering. Your wanting. If you do... You'll make them worry. You'll burden them. You'll annoy them. You'll make them hate you.

Hold it in. Don't let them know. Suffer alone. So you won't be a burden. They ask you if you are alright. Smile and tell them yes. Ignore the twisting and bloody heart that makes you want to faint. Ignore that wanting for them to reach out for you and take your hand. You don't deserve that kindness. You don't deserve anything at all.

Oh... But you have to stay alive. You have to live with that horrid pain. If you leave the world, that is you being selfish. You will leave satisfied, but you will let the others know some of your feelings.  
They will then cry. They will then worry. They will then hold your hand.  
You will then get all of what you wanted. Selfish, you are. So extremely selfish...

.

I smiled at the other.  
He looked at me in worry.  
He asked me if I was alright.  
I told him I was.  
He sighed and rubbed the back of his head, "you know you can talk to me about anything."  
I laughed softly, "yeah, I know." But I will never tell you...  
He reached out his hand to me, "let's go. It's cold."  
I stared at the large hand that looked oh so warm. I gulped and set my slender fingers onto the hand.  
He gripped my hand and began leading me somewhere. I looked at the two hands that were clasped together. It was warm…

It felt disgusting.

My tainted and dirty hand touching his warm and kind hand.

If felt disgusting just seeing my hand in his. This tightened grip must be him holding back his urge to pull away. I slipped my hand out of his. He looked back at me, "Trafalgar?"

I laughed fakely, raising my hand that he held, "your hand is all sweaty."

He grunted and felt his own hand, "... it isn't though…"

I walked passed him while he spoke, "let's go, Eustass-ya."

He watched me walk in front in confusion. He hurried to my side, still feeling his not at all sweaty hand.

Of course, I had lied. His hand didn't even have a drop of sweat. It was far too cold… I clenched my hand that he touched. It felt weird. It still had his warmth within the palm. It was as if it was trying to keep what it received, knowing that… it soon wouldn't be able to feel it again.

.

We got to an apartment. It was his. He let me in and closed the door behind us. He let out tired breaths and walked off into the living room. I took steps into the familiar apartment. Even the place where he lived was always warm. It was much different than mine where it was always cold.

He peaked over at me once I got into the living room. He smiled his usual bright and loving smile at me. I glanced over at him, staring at the wall behind him instead of his eyes. He asked me if I wanted anything to drink.

I replied with a no which made him have a face of concern. I'm sorry. "I guess water will do…"

He fell silent and just looked at me, his smile no longer there.

I'm sorry… "What is it," I asked smiling.

"There is something wrong, isn't there…" He mumbled, loud enough to hear.

I laughed softly, "what are you going on about?"

He walked over to me and looked down at my smiling face, "why don't you tell me anything, Trafalgar?"

My eyes widened a bit before I looked away, "like I just said, I have nothing to tell you. It's nothing, really."

"Anything… I'll do anything to know, Law…"

My eyes turned right to his stare when I heard my name. Anything he says… I gulped and gave in. I gave in to my greed. I gripped his arm with my shaking hands. I'm done for… I pulled him in for a kiss, feeling his warm lips against mine.

As always, he was clueless. He simply just embraced me, holding me tight with his strong arms. His warm hand slid under my clothes and onto my cold skin. Like my hand, everywhere he touched tried its best to keep the warm touch. He easily scooped me up and went over to the bedroom. He set me down and loomed over me. I smiled at him when he touched my face.

Ah… It seemed that it wasn't 'as always.' He looked at me with concern the whole time. His touch was even more gentle than normal. He would constantly ask, "you okay?" He would kiss me more often. He would sometimes say, "sorry."

Don't say that. It hurts. It hurts so much. I gripped the bed sheets and clenched my teeth to hold back the tears. What hurt was my heart. The way he touched me. The way he spoke. The way he looked at me… It all pained me so much. He ran his hands up my body and stopped at my chest. Right above my beating heart...

Did he know that my heart was the part hurting? Nonsense. I looked up at him with heavy breaths and tearing eyes. He kissed me and told me, "it was okay." I closed my eyes, letting my tears fall down my face.

Why is it that I can't get myself to trust his words? Why can't I just believe in him? Why can't I stay by his side without tainting him. Why must I be so greedy. Why do I ask so much… Why… Why can't I just tell him…

.

I sat on the bed wrapped in the blankets. I stared at the yellow sun beams that came from the window. He was still asleep behind me. I looked at his sleeping face. Sorry… I stared at the beautiful other. I… was far too greedy. I touched the pale face of his. Even now...

He mumbled, starting to wake. I ran my hand through his hair one last time. I held his hand once last time. I kissed his forehead one last time.

His pure red eyes shot open as he reached his hand out to me one last time, "Trafa-"

I smiled, "sorry… for being so selfish."

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A/N: What happened? Even I don't know... I just don't... sorry


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